Having self-belief, confidence and healthy self-esteem will help you take control of your relationships. By focusing on the value you place on yourself – which is your self-belief – you will boost your self-confidence in your relationships with other people and build strong bonds with them.
Your self-esteem is how to feel about yourself, your ‘positive regard’ and how much self-love you have. Your self-belief is influenced by how you think, feel and act. In other words, it comes from a sense of your beliefs about your identity and your stance in your world regardless of the expectations that you yourself or society puts on you.
Sometimes a woman’s self-esteem can be fragile. Women often compare themselves to other people and sometimes will change their behaviour to fit in accordingly. We live in a changeable world and many women feel they have to work really hard to fit into male-dominated environments. They feel they have to work hard to measure up.
A woman’s relationship with her partner can also be a vicious cycle, she may feel that she needs to conform her partner’s needs but this can lower her self-esteem and self-confidence. This also can weaken the bond she is trying to build with the partner. Instead of remaining true to her values and beliefs, she may focus on making her partner happy instead. And this distances her away from her own self-worth, self-belief and integrity, which lowers her self-confidence even more.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself about your confidence in your relationship:
If you know that your self-belief, lack of confidence and self-esteem is damaging your relationships with other people, there is support available. Hypnosis is a powerful tool to address negative thoughts and behaviours and find the self-belief and confidence you need to take control of your relationships.
Contact me for a free consultation if you would like to discuss this in more detail.
The key to an honest and balanced relationship is for both remaining true to their own self-belief and integrity to build a strong and secure bond.
Key areas you can change to boost your self-confidence:
Self-confidence is an amazing quality to have that this can help create and build a wonderful, passionate, equal and loving relationship.
Working with people to help them build lost self-confidence or boost their low self-esteem is a passion of mine so please contact me if you would like some help.
Never let obstacles get in the way of loving relationships and enjoying your incredible life.
study I share how hypnosis and cognitive behaviour therapy can be used effectively to treat anxiety and stress. Names have been changed but this is a real case study with one of my clients.
Tom is a good looking young man in his early 30’s. He was brought up by an overprotective mother and was told that he had to be careful from a very young age. He was anxious about most things and found social situations difficult. He was shy at secondary school and struggled with making and keeping friends. He later married Maria who he met at university, but she was the only girl he dated. He has two daughters ages 6 and 9 and they go to their local village school.
When Tom first came to see me he was nervous, did not give me eye contact and shyly smiled a hello. As we chatted Tom relaxed noticeably and said, “I have been anxious and nervous all my life, even in junior school and secondary school. I struggled with knowing what to say then and now my wife takes all the responsibility at home and I let her so I don’t have to.”
He then admitted that his wife made the appointment to see me; she made all the appointments – to see the dentist, doctor etc. If the children had parent-teacher meetings at school, his wife Maria went. She made all the social engagements and at parties, she was the one that socialised, while he was quiet and talked only when he was asked a question. Even when they had takeaway meals, Maria made the call, as he was too shy and nervous.
Because of Maria, Tom was able to avoid social situations that made him uncomfortable and awkward. However, this problem was starting to affect his work as he had taken on a bigger role in his job, needed to do presentations, go to conferences, and talk to business colleagues socially. When Tom was younger he worked at a small local family company owned by someone in the village, and he never had to put himself in front of other people. However, when the owner sold the company Tom had to move jobs to a bigger company. Initially, he was still able to hide himself away, but he soon got recognised his talent and expertise and was forced to take a bigger role.
At the last business event, he was very nervous, spent a lot of time before the event in the toilet and when he finally spoke to the other people he was panicky and his voice was shaky. He said, “I was able to talk quickly and not give myself away. When I was asked a question, I struggled to get my words out due to my nervousness, when eventually I got my words out it was so very embarrassing as I stuttered”.
After that embarrassing situation and feeling humiliated, he started to panic, even more, could not even pick up the telephone without feeling panicky and he started to worry more. He asked himself – Why was he like this? – shy, timid and fearful of everything. He must be the only one in the world to feel like this; he just cannot seem to shake this off. After he spent his day at work feeling pressurised and anxious, he would get tired, fatigued and disheartened combined with negative thoughts, he wanted to give up work but could not as he was the main income earner at home.
As his wife was sociable and had a lot of friends, she took a lot of the responsibilities on her shoulders. The more she did, the more he would withdraw and let her take charge. He had no real close friends to speak of and their social life consisted of friends of his wife. Even when they were out with friends or had a party at home he never knew what to say and felt uneasy.
His anxiety took over when he was the centre of attention and this became very difficult due to expectations at work. When he knew he had to make important phone calls or do a public presentation his anxiety would overwhelm him and would find an excuse to pass this job to his colleague at work. But he knew that this could not continue, the negative cycle that he was stuck in had to change. It was affecting him both at home and at work, and putting him under a lot of pressure.
Tom started cognitive behaviour therapy with me and used the cognitive strategy sessions to relearn the way he thought and felt about himself. He was ready and willing during therapy and progressed well, did all the homework and practice he was set. He did a number of practical presentations with me and then also went home and practiced with his family.
His family was enthusiastic and supportive because he was talking more, felt happier, and addressed his anxiety during these social and speaking occasions. When he made a mistake or the anxiety took over he was able to inject some humour in the sessions we had together. When he was anxious about his social skills or presentation he saw it for what it was, a chance to try and tell people about the subject he was passionate about.
As he found humour and de-stressed during the situation, he saw his anxiety for what it was, which was not as scary as he thought. He was able to put his fear and anxiety into perspective with my help and developed the chance to build his self-esteem. ‘Everyone makes mistakes so what?’ became his motto.
He started to slowly communicate socially more, taking charge such as speaking on the phone or ordering the family’s takeaway. He realised that in public he was not a centre of attention and he could make mistakes and it was okay. With cognitive behavioural therapy, he felt comfortable speaking at meetings and also started to do be more relaxed at public speaking events. He also took more and more of his own responsibilities at work where before he would shrink away or defer to others, and also at home. His wife Maria is happy and pleased with his metamorphosis, and his marriage is flourishing.
“I am happier and feel confident in myself now”, Tom said. “Whereas in the past I let the anxiety take over and I felt frustrated and angry at myself, I am now enjoying my new found freedom from the stress and negativity. I am giving speeches now and do make mistakes, but laugh at them. I am in control of my life and feel confident in my ability in dealing with any issue as it arises.”
Many people adopt behaviours that help them avoid stressful situations like Tom did by allowing his wife to run the social aspects of their lives. However, you could be missing out on opportunities to enjoy an exciting social life or a rewarding career by letting your anxiety dictate how you live.
Take the first step to getting some support so that you can control your anxiety, nervousness or negative thoughts, and gain confidence in being you. If you would like to speak to me about how cognitive behaviour therapy with hypnosis could help you, please contact me by calling 0796 715 1790 or emailing [email protected]
How you think and feel about yourself is one of the most important factors in becoming successful in your career and social life.
‘Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending’ Maria Robinson
If you are happy with what you do and who you are then you will find success, but in today’s world love for oneself is the missing link what people miss out on.
Here are 10 ways you can start to build your self-esteem today:
If lack of self-esteem is preventing you from being successful in your business or personal life, there is help available. Don’t let anxiety and low self-confidence hold you back in your social life and career anymore. Therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) can help you tackle low self-esteem, negative thoughts and self-destructive habits. Find out more by calling me for an informal chat about your needs. 07967151790 or [email protected]
A wake-up call from his doctor warning that he was pre-diabetic and on a slippery slope to becoming morbidly obese; was the catalyst that resulted in him contacting me.
Toby knew that he needed to change his behaviour and habits around food. Slimming products were not having the desired effect as he was overeating and not exercising. Having found out about Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and clinical hypnotherapy, he decided that this was the way to turn his life around.
In just 6 sessions Toby was able to:
When Toby came to me he was 42, four stone overweight, and living with his mother. He was increasingly finding that his weight was affecting his health, he found it difficult to get around and a blood test had shown his blood sugar levels were too high. His doctor had spelt out the prognosis, ‘lose the weight or you’ll become diabetic’ – diabetes and obesity can lead to other chronic diseases such as cardiovascular disease.
As well as the impact on his physical health he was also feeling unhappy, self-conscious, anxious and lacked self-confidence because of his weight. This meant that he didn’t socialise and spent most of his free time playing computer games and watching old movies with his mum.
When he first contacted me Toby said, ‘I snack a lot after my main meals, eating bread, chocolate, fatty foods and fizzy drinks. My mum cooks huge meals and I don’t want to hurt her feelings so I eat even when I am not hungry. I struggle with anxiety and panic attacks and eating makes me feel better, but that has meant I’ve withdrawn from the outside world and I’ve been hiding at home with mum’.
As his weight has increased Toby has found exercising difficult. He’s self-conscious of his body fat and his low mood has prevented him from feeling motivated and strong enough to go to the gym or to the pool for a swim.
‘From the minute I met Andrea I know that she understood exactly how I felt and she immediately put me at ease. The sessions were relaxed, informative and I learnt calming and relaxation techniques that I will take away for the rest of my life’.
The warning from his doctor came at the right time and Toby decided it was the time he took charge of his weight and life too. He thought clinical hypnotherapy would give him the motivation to change his thoughts and feelings about his image, and also his behaviour towards food. He wanted to eat less and exercise more. He wanted to start eating healthy meals, cut back on the snacks and find the motivation to exercise to tone his body. As a result, he would feel confident to go out with a few people at work and make friends. He thought that this would also give him the courage to move out and then start to cook and look after his own dietary needs. He was right!
I worked with Toby over 6 sessions and during this time he made some significant changes.
Initially, we worked on his self-esteem and his negative and self-critical feelings – ‘I am useless, worthless, unattractive, not worth loving’. We also changed his focus on food and the thoughts he had around eating – ‘if I start eating I cannot stop – I am really out of control’.
Instead, we found a new focus revolving around exercise, healthy eating and mindfulness. Taking control over his diet and food consumption has radically changed the negative emotions he had around food, and this has improved his self-esteem.
At the same time, Toby has made some changes at home and in his social life. He now cooks his own meals to ensure that they are healthy and for portion control, and he has started to socialise with a few people at work. As well as swimming once a week, he has also renewed an old hobby (bowling), which also gives him an opportunity to meet new people.
The stand out feature of this therapy was that it has changed him and his eating habits for good. He felt better that he had ever felt in his life. He also felt confident and asked his boss for a promotion and started doing a course on weekends and online so he could work towards this. CBT and clinical hypnotherapy has given him a new lease of life, and one new friendship he has made has the potential to become more serious.
‘After 6 sessions I was able to change my habits and behaviours with CBT’.
Now two months on from starting CBT and clinical hypnotherapy, he no longer has any sessions but is continuing to achieve his goals.
Toby now exercises four times a week and has lost 1 and a half stone. He feels confident that he now has the right mindset to continue this good work and lose the rest of the weight in a healthy and sensible way.
He has also moved into his own home.
Toby says, ‘In my opinion, CBT and clinical hypnotherapy is a healthier way to lose weight as it has dealt with the negative emotions and behaviours I had about food and my body image. Andrea has gently guided me towards a healthier way of living, giving me the tools to continue working towards my goals.’
If you would like to talk in confidence about your relationship with food, weight loss, body image, anxiety or any other issue that Toby’s story highlights, please contact me for a free 30 minute consultation. You can call 07967 151 790, email [email protected] or book a consultation here.
Lack of confidence or a fear of failure is a common issue that many business owners and professionals suffer from. It can cause problems with your health and personal life and could damage your career. This fear of failing is conditioned in us and is caused by mistakes made in the past or our childhood experiences. To advance in life and stop things that will remove you from the world of opportunity, you can make a choice to overcome this fear and improve your self-confidence.
If any of the above questions resonate with you then you should know that you are not alone. People hate to fail, failure presents itself as a threat to their motivation to be successful and they would do anything to avoid this threat. But fear of failure could actually be more damaging than failure itself, stopping you grasping new opportunities or taking risks that could result in career development or business success.
Signs that you fear to fail at things:
As you can see if you are risk-averse and always try to avoid doing things that you might potentially fail at, you limit your opportunities and also damage your self-esteem. However, if you view these perceived failures as opportunities to grow, learn, adapt to new things, and make positive changes, you can use failure as a tool to help you achieve more than if you didn’t try to start with.
You can be successful if you are realistic, expect to face a few failures, obstacles and problems; acknowledge them, deal with them and never give up. Ask yourself ‘How much further would I be in my career if I could gain control over the fear of failure?’
“Failure is simply an opportunity to being again, this time more intelligently” Henry Ford.
The first step is to acknowledge that with the choices and decisions we make there is always a chance we can fail. Face the challenge that you have in front of you and embrace it.
Goal setting is another important aspect. Important for self-confidence and for defining how you want to progress in your career. Experts recommend a tool called visualisation, where you can imagine your life having achieved your goals and this will keep you moving forward positively. You can start with taking small goals first and this will help build your self-confidence and prevent you from getting overwhelmed. With growing self-confidence, it will be possible to tackle the bigger goals when you’re ready.
Once you have conquered your fear of failure, you may actually embrace it! Failure can teach us lots of useful things;
These experiences help us to become less risk-averse when faced with new opportunities or challenges, and this, in turn, means you are more likely to succeed and achieve your goals.
Changing the way you think about failure, your self-esteem and self-confidence can be difficult, especially if your fear of failure has become entrenched. However the benefits of overcoming this fear are infinite – potentially opening up an exciting new career trajectory, business growth, wealth or job satisfaction.
If this is something you struggle with and would like help for, contact me for an informal chat and to see whether a few sessions of hypnotherapy for confidence could help you.
07967151790 or [email protected]
“Low self-confidence isn’t a life sentence. Self-confidence can be learned, practiced, and mastered–just like any other skill. Once you master it, everything in your life will change for the better.” – Barrie Davenport
Self-confidence is described as an important aspect that works in every area of a person’s life and some of us struggle with it. It is a known fact that people who lack in self-confidence, find success in what they do difficult to achieve.
Self-confidence is a state of an individual’s mind that can be improved through positive thought, language, learning and practice which will help boost your levels of confidence. Self-confidence comes from feeling good about yourself, accepting and believing in yourself (self-esteem), believing in your skills, knowledge and experience which in turn help improve your confidence and self-esteem.
Not many people know that there is a difference between confidence and self-esteem, they’re often confused as the same thing. Self-esteem is described as the way we look and feel about ourselves – our feeling of self-worth or whether we feel valued amongst our friends and society. Confidence is described as our capability to carry out our roles and tasks successfully in a manner so we can achieve our goals. Some people who have low self-esteem can have low self-confidence as well.
Here are 5 powerful ways you can build self-confidence:
For example, if you are having your first baby and are nervous about how you will cope. You will do a lot of reading, join NCT groups and learn all you can to deal with this new adventure and gain knowledge.
“Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be done without hope and confidence.” – Helen Keller
Positive affirmations, working on your strengths and by feeling good about your successes you can achieve your goals. Learning from your mistakes, not dwelling on past mistakes and by not making these to be bigger than they are, you will be able to highlight the things you are good at. Negative thoughts can damage your confidence and inhibits your ability to move forward.
“Being positive does not mean that you don’t have negative thoughts. It means you don’t let those thoughts control your life.” Anon
Deep breathing and training your mind to stay calm and focus on what causes you stress and anxiety. Persist and change the things you can, and embrace new challenges.
These powerful strategies to increase your self-confidence can be enhanced with Cognitive Behaviour Therapy. This form of therapy will help you focus on positive thoughts, and put those negative ones in perspective. If you find that negative thoughts undermine your self-confidence and ability to perform at your best, CBT can really help to change the way you think.
Building self-confidence is a skill that has to be mastered and learned like any other skill.
For a confidential chat about your concerns and to explore further how CBT can help you with confidence issues, please contact me on 07967 151790 or email:[email protected]
Self-esteem is a term used when describing the opinion that we have in ourselves. It refers on how we think about the type of person we are as well as the abilities we have and the things we expect to happen in the future.
When we have healthy self-esteem, we are able to feel good about ourselves. Importantly, it also helps us to have a positive outlook on life. High self-esteem allows us to have the strength and courage we need in order to deal with the twist and turns and ups and downs of our life, find the positives and fight through the negatives and helps to protect our long-term health and well-being.
It is believed that having lower self-esteem has been rooted from our childhood days. Our relationships and history with those people surrounding us such as our siblings, parents and friends are the ones who shape the opinion we have of ourselves. We are able to receive a combination of negative and positive messages as we grow up but, as anyone with low self-esteem knows, it’s the negative ones that tend to stick in our mind. The feeling of not being good enough can be reinforced as we get older if it is not dealt with.
The way in which we develop our self-esteem in our adolescence can bring great impact on the future level of our self-worth. The natural personalities that we have can also play a big part. Some of us possess personality traits that can make us more prone to those negative thoughts with regards to who we are and our sense of what we can achieve in life.
Low self-esteem affects us in a number of ways. If a certain person feels that they are not worthy enough, it will reflect on their behaviour. They act in a way that reinforces their own low self-esteem for example by being self-depreciating, telling themselves and others that they’re not good enough.
Even people who outwardly appear self-confident with high self-esteem may be struggling with these negative thoughts and behaviour patterns. They may find it hard to get up in the morning to face their day, perhaps thinking that they’re not up to the job they do or that they don’t deserve to be successful. They may also be very self-critical and analyse everything that they do in their working lives, endlessly running through what went wrong or finding faults, unfavourably comparing themselves to others, and focusing on the negatives rather than the positives.
All this leads to feelings of depression, hopelessness, boredom in life and lack of motivation. Fortunately, there are things practical steps that you can take to improve your confidence and self-esteem.
Easier said than done?
If those feelings of being ‘not good enough’ have become entrenched, perhaps because you’re suffering from long-term low self-esteem, the steps above may be very hard to implement. If you’ve been self-critical for many years, it’s hard to break this cycle by simply acknowledging that it’s not doing your self-esteem any good.
Therefore it can be helpful to get some additional support to help you break this cycle of negative thinking and change your behaviour. Counselling, such as talking therapies can be useful, as can cognitive behaviour therapies such as hypnosis.
Clinical Hypnosis for improvement of self-esteem is a safe and relaxing process that involves having a direct attention to the subconscious and conscious mind. Its main goal is to identify and challenge the patterns of negative thinking. Aside from that, it also encourages the change of negative to positive thinking with the power of suggestion. A cognitive behaviour hypnotherapist will present to you a number of visualisations, hypnotic suggestions and other related techniques. It also helps you in promoting positive attitudes, thoughts as well as beliefs that support you to have a healthy self-esteem.
When you are in the relaxed and deep state of hypnosis, the therapist will help you break the negative cycle of feeling and thinking, when you see these clearly you will change the habits and behaviour that follow. By identifying your goals, the session will be tailored to meet your needs and suggestions made under hypnosis will be able to promote healthy and long-term self-esteem.
If you would like to discuss the above in more detail, and in confidence, please do get in touch. You can email me on [email protected] or call 0796 715 1790