In a world that is increasingly too fast paced and competitive to allow genuine, deep and lasting relationships and self-care, it really should not come as a shock that low self-confidence has become a pandemic. Over 80% of the world’s population is said to suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence.
The world cannot continue to run well on individuals who have no confidence to be leaders and to stand up for what is right.
The good news is that there are not “confident people” and “un-confident people,” as though it were a genetic trait you are stuck with. If you, like the majority of people in the world, struggle with a lack of self-confidence, know that you don’t have to struggle with it forever. You can achieve healthy self-confidence.
In this post, I will explain the importance of self-confidence and provide practical tips on how to develop self-confidence and positive attitude so that you can begin moving forward toward a more confident and effective you.
First, it is important to understand what is meant by “self-confidence.”
Unfortunately, many assume that self-confidence is just arrogance or narcissism. For many suffering from low self-worth and confidence, this thought pattern can actually be a part of what holds them back from trying to change their outlook on themselves – they do not want to be “arrogant” and so don’t pursue a better view of themselves.
However, there is healthy self-confidence that is neither arrogant nor narcissistic, and it is vitally important for individuals to develop.
How to Develop Self-Confidence
So, if you are wondering “how can I be confident in myself,” be encouraged and know that it IS possible. It will take a little time, but be patient with yourself and after a while you will start noticing a difference.
So, if you are ready for a more confident you, try following these self-confidence tips:
- Change your thought patterns. That battle for self-confidence is won or lost in the mind. Negative thoughts, such as “I can’t do this,” “I’m just going to fail again,” “I don’t have anything valuable to say” tear down your confidence and prevent you from even trying.To change your negative thoughts into positive ones, first start identifying and calling out negative thoughts as soon as they occur. Second, replace the negative thought. Change the “I’ll never be able to do this” to “If I work really hard, I think I can do this.” When you think about something you can’t do, or something you don’t like about yourself, change it by thinking about something you can do or something about your personality that is positive.
- Create a gratitude list. One of the best ways to start changing your mindset is by focusing on the good things that you do have in your life, instead of all of the seemingly bad or lacking things.Each day, spend time writing down good things that happened to you, things that you have that you are thankful for, and things that you did or felt that day that you can feel good about. Big or small, write them down.
- Take care of yourself. How we treat our bodies translates into how we think about ourselves.Taking a shower each day, brushing your teeth, combing and fixing your hair, wearing nice clothes that fit you well, and being able to take pride in your appearance will all contribute to making your feel better and more confident about yourself.Self-care is a way of telling yourself that you are worth the time and attention and that you’re allowed to feel confident about how you look.
- Give yourself permission to make mistakes. If you strive for perfection, you will easily fail and/or keep yourself from even setting goals or trying new things. If your expectation is perfection, then you could easily think “Why even try – I won’t be able to do it right” or “Why do I always screw up.”No one is perfect. The most successful individuals in our world made huge mistakes on their journey to success. Failure, when handled with the right attitude, can actually be responsible for future success.So set reasonable, small goals for yourself that you can achieve one at a time, but then be ok when you make a mistake or something doesn’t go right. Instead of beating yourself up about a mistake, focus on how you can change your approach next time.
- Stop comparing yourself to others. With things like social media, we often only see the best and greatest successes of our friends, and we often have a “grass is always greener” approach when looking at everyone else.This can make you feel like a failure or like you’re not doing things right. But this is not true, as every single person has ups and downs and struggles.But what other people are doing or not doing is irrelevant. Focus on YOUR goals, what matters to YOU (if you don’t know what these are, spend some time pondering it and writing your thoughts down). Then strive for those goals and be satisfied with what you have decided matters most.
If you feel like you may need help retraining your thoughts and learning how to develop self-confidence while speaking or just in general, consider seeking professional assistance.
Andrea Smith is a Qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist with a Masters in Psychology. To discuss your situation and learn about her unique process, book your free session with her now!
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those that mind, don’t matter.” Dr Seuss
How you think and feel about yourself? Having self-love, self-belief and self-esteem are some of the most important things you can do for yourself. They may sound selfish or narcissistic, but actually having this self-confidence will help you be a better person, help others and make the world a better place to be.
Being able to build and maintain one’s self-esteem is important:
- Many of us feel insecure because we compare ourselves to other people, and when things don’t work out for us and they do for others we feel inadequate. When we start caring and loving ourselves for who we are, we don’t get so hung up on setbacks or meeting other people’s expectations.
- When we have higher self-esteem and confidence we don’t need other people’s validation or attention as much. We feel more relaxed and in control of our emotions and worry less about what other people say.
- When we love ourselves more and have better self-esteem, we’re less likely to think negatively or self-sabotage. This creates more positivity and we become more motivated to try to achieve our goals.
When you work toward building your self-confidence you will be able to stay calm and handle the difficult times better.
In their lives many people experience issues with self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes this may be for a short period, for others it can be a long term problem. Whatever your background, it is never too late to work on these issues. There has been a stage in my own life when things have been difficult, but I worked on any self-worth issues I have had from my past and keep myself calm every day. My life has now become simpler and building my self-esteem means that I am happier now.
Using my own personal experience and my years spent working as a clinical hypnotherapist cognitive behaviour therapist, I have developed a programme to help other people with self-confidence issues. Find out more about hypnotherapy for self-confidence here.
Here are 5 things you can do to boost yourself like I did:
- Learn how to quieten the inner critic and build your confidence. When you have the self-destructive thoughts like ‘you are not good at your job’ or ‘you are very lazy and not intelligent enough to do this’ or ‘you are not pretty like your sister or friend’, you change how you think and work on being more positive, stop the critical voice or inner critic voice in your head and get a STOP phrase that works for you. This will help you to find a better way to motivate yourself and move forward.
- Learn healthy positive and motivational habits that will help you to improve your self-confidence and take action towards a goal that means a lot to you. A single most powerful method to inspire and motive you is to jot down in your diary things that will help you achieve that goal. For example: if you want to lose weight and get more energy to look after your family, do the things that will help you achieve that goal. Keep the dairy updated and look at it every day to see how you can improve on the positive things and build on it. Refocus on the things you like to do and push through the barriers so you put most of your efforts on important goals.
- Replace your perfectionist ideas. If you are afraid to take action, for example making a call to a new business or an old colleague, if you are afraid to live up to a perfect standard you have set for yourself. If you procrastinate and let the negative thoughts take over you will let your self-esteem take a drop and have negative thoughts about your performance. Handle your failures and mistakes as they can be a learning experience in a positive manner: we truly learn through our mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself and have a plan ready in case you made a mistake or you might fall into a despairing mood.
- Try a new action so you can be challenged to try a small goal or a big goal. You will boost your self-confidence when you step outside your comfort zone. If you have a fear of failure, take small steps first. Remember not to compare yourself to other people because that can be self-destructive. Instead focus on you and what you need to do to achieve your goal: replace self-destructive thoughts with positive affirmations.
- Surround yourself with a supportive network of people such as friends and family, therefore you are keeping away from destructive or unsupportive people. Being with uplifting or positive people will feel good and you will think and feel positive thoughts. Remember the reason why you are doing this to boost your confidence, build self-esteem and make yourself a priority.
“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending”. Maria Robinson
These 5 things that you can do to boost self-confidence have done a wonderful job on my own self-esteem. If you need any help or support contact me on [email protected] or call me on 07967151790.
More on how hypnosis can be used to help people with self-esteem and self-confidence issues can be found here.
Having self-belief, confidence and healthy self-esteem will help you take control of your relationships. By focusing on the value you place on yourself – which is your self-belief – you will boost your self-confidence in your relationships with other people and build strong bonds with them.
The Importance Of Self-Esteem And Self-Belief
Your self-esteem is how to feel about yourself, your ‘positive regard’ and how much self-love you have. Your self-belief is influenced by how you think, feel and act. In other words, it comes from a sense of your beliefs about your identity and your stance in your world regardless of the expectations that you yourself or society puts on you.
Sometimes a woman’s self-esteem can be fragile. Women often compare themselves to other people and sometimes will change their behaviour to fit in accordingly. We live in a changeable world and many women feel they have to work really hard to fit into male-dominated environments. They feel they have to work hard to measure up.
A woman’s relationship with her partner can also be a vicious cycle, she may feel that she needs to conform her partner’s needs but this can lower her self-esteem and self-confidence. This also can weaken the bond she is trying to build with the partner. Instead of remaining true to her values and beliefs, she may focus on making her partner happy instead. And this distances her away from her own self-worth, self-belief and integrity, which lowers her self-confidence even more.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself about your confidence in your relationship:
- What can I do to be my true self in my relationship without upsetting the apple cart?
- How can I do this without compromise and affecting my self-confidence?
- How does this low self-confidence and self-belief in myself affecting my relationship?
If you know that your self-belief, lack of confidence and self-esteem is damaging your relationships with other people, there is support available. Hypnosis is a powerful tool to address negative thoughts and behaviours and find the self-belief and confidence you need to take control of your relationships.
Contact me for a free consultation if you would like to discuss this in more detail.
The key to an honest and balanced relationship is for both remaining true to their own self-belief and integrity to build a strong and secure bond.
- Choose not to lose your self-belief and integrity. Take each day as it comes and takes baby steps to build your confidence and self-esteem.
- Gratitude can help build confidence. If you feel low and depressed your confidence will weaken as you don’t feel valuable to your relationship or society. Your worthiness is knowing who you are and believing it and plays an important role in our relationships. When you are grateful for what you have, your self-confidence builds as you feel your value and self-worth. In relationships, our self-worth plays a defining role and can be a key factor in the success or failure of the relationship. We feel confident and happy when we are in a balanced relationship and feel depressed or worthless when your relationship is not good.
- Avoid negative self-talk. Sometimes the negative voice in our heads can override the positive messages. They can come from past experiences – from being unable to meet expectations of parents, or previous relationships. Negative social pressure, illness or some trauma can also result in low self-esteem. Challenging the negative voice and listing to affirmations or messages that can influence you to believe in yourself. Your thoughts, feeling and beliefs can be replaced by positive messages.
- Projecting confidence even when you feel unconfident in situations. Sometimes it good to put on a brave face and face the challenges in front of you, you can then be strong for the next situation. Have the patience, face the fear and be kind to yourself, and then you can face the challenge you are scared of. By allowing yourself to be uncomfortable and not letting negative thoughts overtake you, you can boost your confidence.
Key areas you can change to boost your self-confidence:
- By identifying and understanding what areas of your life you are unhappy with and commit to change that.
- Positive thoughts and affirmations to build your feelings of self-worth.
- Read at least 20-30 minutes of articles or books to improve our mind. avoid the tendency to compare yourself to others as this will only develop into negative thoughts.
- Trust your instincts believe that you are a confident person
- A supportive environment with family and friends listening to issues you struggle with will keep you motivated.
Self-confidence is an amazing quality to have that this can help create and build a wonderful, passionate, equal and loving relationship.
Working with people to help them build lost self-confidence or boost their low self-esteem is a passion of mine so please contact me if you would like some help.
Never let obstacles get in the way of loving relationships and enjoying your incredible life.
Did you make any New Year Resolutions this year? Lose weight, stop smoking, get a promotion or start your own business? Whatever your NY resolution is, you may now be feeling the pressure to start or stick with it…
You have tidied the house and all the Xmas decorations have been put away, but its end of January and you have not started using the gym membership or working through the things on your list. With February and March looming, you may feel like you’re struggling to keep up with the resolutions list, and it feels scary how far behind you are.
So did you make the right NY Resolution? If you made a life-changing resolution, a big plan to change direction or do something huge, it may be that the reason you’re now starting to panic is that you’ve taken too much on.
Setting small achievable goals, instead of a big goal that will overwhelm and frustrate you, can help you succeed in your personal life and business life. You also need to ensure that you have addressed those issues that could result in failure. For example, if you’ve tried to lose weight before, what went wrong and how can you improve your chances of success this time?
Often it comes down to confidence and self-belief. If these are already low it can be an uphill struggle to stick with and achieve your resolutions. Low self-confidence can sabotage your chances of success.
If this is an issue for you, consider addressing this first – hypnotherapy for confidence can help – and then with a boost to your self-belief you’ll be in much better shape to achieve those NY resolutions.
Tips For Sticking To Your New Year Resolutions
By taking small actionable steps and prioritising what is important to you, you will be more likely to stick with and succeed in your resolutions.
Here are some key points to remember to help you stick with your New Year resolutions:
- Setting out SMART goals Specific, Measurable Achievable Realistic and Timely goals, in the beginning, will set you up to understand what you are trying to achieve this year.
- If your goal is to getting on top of your finances, concentrate your motivation and energy on the most important aspect of the debt you have accumulated. In this manner, you will pay off a little of the money you owe at a time and have a strong sense of progress. This will motivate you to continue to keep playing and looking after your finances in a positive manner.
- Use whatever resources you have to help, for example – put your gym clothes ready when you wake up so you can immediately get some exercise before you start to make excuses about your exercise regime. Stay away from risky situations if you want to get fit and healthy don’t go to McDonald’s or go near fast foods or junk food. Put reminders in places where you are triggered to follow your healthy choices or behaviours like notes on the fridge, or on the bathroom mirror.
- Get organised! Don’t allow other tasks to stop you from achieving your goals – where possible automate them so they don’t distract you. Set out reminders to tasks that you have to do every few weeks time and look to see how you can prioritise some of them. Set out the actions you are going to take to achieve your next goal to keep going.
- Be flexible. If you have an all or nothing approach and fail at one of your steps it’s likely you will become disillusioned and not succeed in your overall goal. Instead, give yourself a break if you don’t meet every target, be flexible and realign your steps so you can move forward.
- Set yourself a reasonable time limit and if you are unable to keep up with it revisit your goal list and make changes so you can achieve the goals in small chunks.
- Don’t give up and keep trying. Create a balanced approach with baby steps that you can act on. Keep yourself motivated by being mindful of what you want and knowing the results you expect that will help you keep going.
- Get the support you need, having someone to talk to you will get a different point of view of how you are going to succeed with your goals. This will also help make you accountable and you might get different ideas in order to get results or solutions you desire. Asking and accepting help will strengthen your resolve and manage your anxiety and stress. Also seeking help from a coach or a mentor can help change unhealthy habits and behaviours and address issues you have suffered from in the past, procrastination or emotional issues.
Old habits and behaviours can be hard to change but they are often the key to successfully achieving your goals and resolutions. Once you understand why you respond to certain challenges or pressures in a particular way, it becomes easier to change your habits and behaviours.
Sometimes it can be as simple as changing the way you approach your resolution. Instead of saying, ‘I want to lose weight’ a resolution of ‘I’m going to eat more healthily’ can increase your chances of successfully losing the weight and keeping it off long-term.
Cognitive behaviour therapy with hypnosis is a highly effective way of identifying habits and behaviours that are sabotaging your chances of success, and then replace them with better responses that increase your motivation and drive.
If you’re struggling with your New Year Resolutions and would like to talk through ways of getting back on the programme, I offer a free 30-minute phone consultation for people in West Surrey / Hampshire. Book your appointment here.
What you believe in reflects what you experience in your life. How strong your self-belief is measured in terms of your success.
Many people do not have a clear idea about what is that they want, and what it is that they don’t want. Often we have made our goals a long time ago and never looked at them again or re-evaluated them. If you want to succeed it is time you set SMART (Simple Measurable Achievable Realistic Timely) goals and make them visible so they can be fresh and present in your mind and not hide in a drawer somewhere.
In this post, I will share some ways to overcome self-limiting beliefs that may be affecting your career or ability to make a success of your business.
How To Achieve Your Goals
‘Building a successful business is not embracing someone else’s philosophy, but staying true to your own beliefs about the world and learning from the mistakes you make along the way.’ – Ben Parr
- Being curious and learning as much as possible about how you can achieve your goal can be your first step in your journey. Start with researching online courses, reading books and listening to people who are successful – this will give you a benchmark about what you need to do to achieve your goals. Finding someone you respect and admire to mentor you is an excellent way to get the knowledge you desire, as well as support from someone who has ‘been there’. Don’t be afraid to approach someone about whether they would be prepared to help. Many successful business leaders want to contribute and help others succeed.
‘My beliefs will run through everything I do. My beliefs, and my values are my anchor when people try to drag me down, as I know they will, it is to that sense of right and wrong, that sense of whom I am and what I believe, to which I will always hold.’ – Ed Miliband
- Use the different ideas you have learnt to create something unique and tailored to what you want to achieve is another step in your journey. Take risks, be brave and dare to be different. Concentrate on your end result and list all the things you need to do get the outcome you want. Try not to be distracted by what others are doing. When you try to be competitive you will focus on other people, so just try to succeed at your own pace but with determination. Believe in your mind that you can do it and you will use all your energy and commitment to achieve success.
‘People have a lot of different beliefs, and at the end of the day, we all have deeply held beliefs that probably don’t make sense to anyone.’ – Trey Parker
- Think positively about your goals, and do not look at obstacles before you even start. Being positive and believing in your ability to achieve your goals will get you where you need to be. If you tend to be influenced by negative people then you will find it difficult to succeed. Fuel your desire for success with strong positive affirmations, don’t be afraid to fail as you will learn from your mistakes, face difficult challenges and view yourself without the self-limiting beliefs and negativity. Make a commitment to yourself to work hard and let nothing stand in your way to achieving the success you want.
Every business owner has to overcome their self-limiting beliefs before they grow and succeed in business. You might have buried these limiting beliefs or your fear of failure has stopped you from taking risks, but they will stop you from achieving your full potential.
The key to your success is growing, learning and development of a mindset that takes action and conquers doubt.
Here’s how to deal with five common self-limiting beliefs:
- Not feeling confident about what you say – it’s very common for business owners to question whether what they say about their business is good enough. The feedback that you receive from your prospective clients will tell if your content is good. Are emails that you have sent out being opened, have people been engaging on your social media posts, are people commenting on your blogs and visiting your website? Are you making sales? If you want to succeed don’t second-guess yourself and think that your efforts aren’t good enough. Look for evidence from other people about whether you’re getting it right. Don’t let this become a belief that is self-limiting to your success.
- Pricing your services correctly – people find money a difficult topic especially when you ask for payment. If you charge a fair price, your clients will value your services and you will give them your best. As you are offering to help your clients with their biggest struggles, base your charges on the value you provide.
- Competition – even if there are a lot of people providing the same service, you are unique and embrace that. Most people try to follow influencers in their field and mimic them, blend in and they don’t try to be different due to their self-limiting beliefs. Believe in yourself and infuse that in your business and you will be successful.
- Lack of confidence in your credentials – as a business entrepreneur your knowledge and confidence come from years of learning your subject and experience. While in some fields qualifications are essential, in others experience and natural ability are more important. Focus on building your credentials by delivering an excellent service to the clients you are helping.
- Not enough money and resources – most businesses require a financial contribution to get them off the ground, and without investment, it may hold them back. Don’t let money become a self-limiting belief that prevents you from growing your business. There are a lot of free resources out there, so learn and build your business step-by-step.
Changing your negative mindset that tells you that ‘you can’t do it’ or that you’re not good enough’ is vital if you want to succeed in business. Acknowledging that you have these thoughts is the first step; the next is to overcome them with more positive thoughts and beliefs. If you are struggling to overcome your limiting self-beliefs, you may find that cognitive behaviour therapy can help, providing you with the opportunity, to be frank with yourself, rationalise these thoughts, and change your attitudes and entrenched views.
From a business perspective getting help with this early could enable you to fast track your business success and achieve your goals sooner.
If you would like to chat about any of the issues explored in this post and find out more about my services and how I’ve to help business owners overcome their self-limiting beliefs, please get in touch. Call 0796 715 1790 or email [email protected]
We all know of confident people who walk tall, speak with self-assurance and never seem fazed by work, family or anything else. By comparison, they might make use feel anxious, overly apologetic, and full of self-doubts and negative thoughts. However, don’t be fooled by first impressions, many people have moments where things don’t look so great – it’s just that some of us are better at putting on a brave face than others.
How To Get Your Confidence Back
When your confidence does take a nosedive due to circumstances, such as relationship problems, issues at work or family worries, try to think of it as a temporary setback and address the issue before it gets worse. Self-confidence is something that we can learn, helping us to cope with stress and anxiety, feel good and have a more positive attitude. Not only that it can rub off on other people, so if your family members or friends are going through a rough period, your self-confidence and ability to face issues head-on can inspire them too.
Self-efficacy is the strength of your self-belief in your ability to achieve your goals. Albert Bandura, a prominent psychologist created the ‘Self-efficacy model’, suggesting that self-confidence comes from self-efficacy. This model suggests that self-efficacy influences the way a person thinks, feels, acts and, therefore, makes decisions. A person can work to develop the task-oriented skills and motivation to succeed at their own level of self-efficacy. For example, if you were an athlete and have had a setback where you have been injured and stuck at home for a while, you might have felt depressed, your self-confidence dipped and feel sorry for yourself, you can raise your self-efficacy and self-confidence level by looking at your past achievements and draw on those past accomplishments. By using mental imagery/ rehearsal techniques, vivid imagery of past performances and positive thoughts you can change your mindset and work towards positive goals.
Also, you can identify and dispute your irrational thoughts or maladaptive thoughts, which are called cognitive distortions through a process called cognitive restructuring.
Here is a PDF document to help you create a goal-setting system, which is one of the most important skills you need to become and remain self-confident: Create a Goal Setting System
Tips to build your self-confidence:
Here are some techniques you can try at home to help build your self-confidence, helping you cope with life’s challenges:
- Look at your past achievements and feel proud of the things you have done and achieved in the past.
- Notice where your past self-belief and resilience came from and trust in yourself to be self-confident again.
- Identify your weaknesses and work on strengthening them.
- Create a goal setting system and expect to be successful.
- Visualise positive thoughts and rationalise negative patterns of thinking.
- Lean on a close friend for support.
- Have a strong mental imagery of success in your mind.
- Clear all mental blocks and increase your motivation to succeed.
- Deep breathing and relaxation exercises.
- Self talk such as affirmations and positive words to keep your momentum going.
- Look at the way you think of yourself and change it around due to something that is bothering you and making you feel low and not confident.
Face your fears, put everything about your life into context and don’t let failure take over your life and build your interests and skills. You can look forward to a bright exciting future with confidence.
If you have any questions about self-efficacy and how to build your self-confidence, please get in touch. Leave a comment below or call / email me directly: 0796 7151790 / [email protected]
“A first timer at Hypnotherapy, I chose Andrea because she was well qualified and uniquely, has nursing experience. What I didn’t know was how caring and reassuring she was! I immediately felt I had come to the right person. I suffered from extreme anxiety, low self-confidence, and low self-esteem and also doubted my ability is making decisions. With her professional help, I have worked through unresolved issues and my self-confidence improved drastically. More importantly, I have learnt a lot about myself, have self-worth and also worked on how to deal with various problems/issues life throws at me. Clinical Hypnotherapy was a wonderful and insightful experience” Paula.