Tag Archives for " relationships "

How To Take Control Of Your Relationships

Relationship advice in surrey, Surrey hypnotherapy

Having self-belief, confidence and healthy self-esteem will help you take control of your relationships. By focusing on the value you place on yourself – which is your self-belief – you will boost your self-confidence in your relationships with other people and build strong bonds with them.

The Importance Of Self-Esteem And Self-Belief

Your self-esteem is how to feel about yourself, your ‘positive regard’ and how much self-love you have. Your self-belief is influenced by how you think, feel and act. In other words, it comes from a sense of your beliefs about your identity and your stance in your world regardless of the expectations that you yourself or society puts on you.

Sometimes a woman’s self-esteem can be fragile. Women often compare themselves to other people and sometimes will change their behaviour to fit in accordingly. We live in a changeable world and many women feel they have to work really hard to fit into male-dominated environments. They feel they have to work hard to measure up.

Personal Relationships

A woman’s relationship with her partner can also be a vicious cycle, she may feel that she needs to conform her partner’s needs but this can lower her self-esteem and self-confidence. This also can weaken the bond she is trying to build with the partner. Instead of remaining true to her values and beliefs, she may focus on making her partner happy instead. And this distances her away from her own self-worth, self-belief and integrity, which lowers her self-confidence even more.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself about your confidence in your relationship:

  1. What can I do to be my true self in my relationship without upsetting the apple cart?
  2. How can I do this without compromise and affecting my self-confidence?
  3. How does this low self-confidence and self-belief in myself affecting my relationship?

If you know that your self-belief, lack of confidence and self-esteem is damaging your relationships with other people, there is support available. Hypnosis is a powerful tool to address negative thoughts and behaviours and find the self-belief and confidence you need to take control of your relationships.

Contact me for a free consultation if you would like to discuss this in more detail.

The key to an honest and balanced relationship is for both remaining true to their own self-belief and integrity to build a strong and secure bond.

  1. Choose not to lose your self-belief and integrity. Take each day as it comes and takes baby steps to build your confidence and self-esteem.
  2. Gratitude can help build confidence. If you feel low and depressed your confidence will weaken as you don’t feel valuable to your relationship or society. Your worthiness is knowing who you are and believing it and plays an important role in our relationships. When you are grateful for what you have, your self-confidence builds as you feel your value and self-worth. In relationships, our self-worth plays a defining role and can be a key factor in the success or failure of the relationship. We feel confident and happy when we are in a balanced relationship and feel depressed or worthless when your relationship is not good.
  3. Avoid negative self-talk. Sometimes the negative voice in our heads can override the positive messages. They can come from past experiences – from being unable to meet expectations of parents, or previous relationships. Negative social pressure, illness or some trauma can also result in low self-esteem. Challenging the negative voice and listing to affirmations or messages that can influence you to believe in yourself. Your thoughts, feeling and beliefs can be replaced by positive messages.
  4. Projecting confidence even when you feel unconfident in situations. Sometimes it good to put on a brave face and face the challenges in front of you, you can then be strong for the next situation. Have the patience, face the fear and be kind to yourself, and then you can face the challenge you are scared of. By allowing yourself to be uncomfortable and not letting negative thoughts overtake you, you can boost your confidence.

Key areas you can change to boost your self-confidence:

  1. By identifying and understanding what areas of your life you are unhappy with and commit to change that.
  2. Positive thoughts and affirmations to build your feelings of self-worth.
  3. Read at least 20-30 minutes of articles or books to improve our mind. avoid the tendency to compare yourself to others as this will only develop into negative thoughts.
  4. Trust your instincts believe that you are a confident person
  5. A supportive environment with family and friends listening to issues you struggle with will keep you motivated.

Self-confidence is an amazing quality to have that this can help create and build a wonderful, passionate, equal and loving relationship.

Working with people to help them build lost self-confidence or boost their low self-esteem is a passion of mine so please contact me if you would like some help.

Never let obstacles get in the way of loving relationships and enjoying your incredible life.

Coping With Christmas: Is It All Too Much?

coping with Christmas, holiday depression, feeling sad, anxious hypnosis, hypnotherapy surrey

Christmas can be a stressful time of year for many people. It can put a strain on relationships, bring old grudges and problems to the fore, and also be a very sad and lonely time for some people.

With the expectation that you should be enjoying yourself with friends and family, the expense of gifts and nights out, and the huge amount of work it takes to create a wonderful Christmas for your nearest and dearest, it’s no wonder that many people feel overwhelmed.

For those people who are far from home, lost a loved one, or perhaps have separated in the past year, Christmas can trigger anxiety, stress and feelings of loneliness.

This is perfectly normal and understandable. If Christmas is making you feel depressed or stressed, this is not because you are a modern day Scrooge.

Feeling Depressed At Christmas

Due to the commercialism of Christmas, we’re all under a huge amount of pressure to make everything perfect. The Christmas card perfect family, a stack of presents under the tree, your home looking like a cover shoot for an interiors magazine, a table laden with home cooked Christmas food.

If we can’t meet these expectations it’s no wonder that many people feel depressed and stressed. And some people go into the process of self-reflection and thought about the shortages in life and compare themselves to other people. This brings added pressure and they spend a lot more than they should on presents etc. that they don’t have. This can spiral out of control and get them into debt.

Some people deal with loneliness at Christmas due to loss of a loved one, while some deal with family conflicts, as it is the one time that everyone gets together. It may also be your ‘first’ Christmas after a life-changing event – for example, divorce, the loss of a job, or illness.

These factors can all come to a head over the Christmas period. Below are some of the steps that you can take to manage your stress and your finances:

  • Identify the reason that you are stressed: such as financial pressures. Set a budget and plan the things you can do and eliminate the things you cannot. Money saving tips can be saying to your family and friends that this year you will be buying gifts only for the kids. Or suggest a “secret Santa” for adults so to reduce the financial burden on everyone.
  • Research some cost cutting ways that you can have fun. Don’t let money saving spoil your fun. If you want to socialise organise a BBQ or a house party where all the guests bring a plate of food so that costs are shared.

Family Conflicts And How To Deal With Them

Some families struggle with getting on with one another and there is a lot of power play in the mix. Also, divorce among some of the family members means that unresolved conflicts can trigger stress and anxiety.

  • Be realistic about what will occur at the Xmas celebrations – it might not be perfect. Plan how you will deal with the stress and anxiety if it occurs.
  • If there are children from the different families getting together at Xmas time, be considerate and put the conflicts aside. Focus on having fun and making Xmas a special day for everyone.
  • Remember there can be conflicts but try to stay calm, don’t drink more than you have to and don’t use it to cope or take your frustration out on your loved one.
  • Know what your triggers are if your family argues on a certain topic avoid it.
  • Take baby steps when you are communicating with a member of your family that in the past there has been some friction, don’t bring up the past hurts or be sarcastic but try to improve the relationship by sticking to ‘safe’ subjects.
  • Breathe deeply if you get annoyed and something someone says, remember it’s what happens at Xmas and stay calm as it’s a special day.

Ways To Manage Your Loneliness

If you feel isolated if you have been recently divorced or a recent break-up, or have lost a loved one it can be really tough when everyone else appears to be having a good time. Here are some tips to cope:

  • Be honest and acknowledge that it is going to be difficult. Embracing the sadness will help with dealing with the grief. By doing this, being honest will release the sadness and loss, which will reduce long lasting, issues with blocked emotions.
  • Connect with new people, your friends and family. Call family even if they live far away, keep in touch via phone calls, emails. Also be patient if they take a while to respond as many people do get caught up with their own preparations.
  • Help or volunteer at a charity shop or a local shelter. They need help, especially at Xmas time. You will connect with different people and make friends and feel good.
  • Attend events like Xmas lighting ceremonies, Christmas carol singing, markets. Try to get out and be around people and this will help relieve loneliness.
  • Accept invitations for Xmas day and don’t stay in and feel lonely. Plan your whole day, have breakfast, attend the local church for a service, or take a walk and then have a wonderful meal and watch Xmas movies.

Cognitive behaviour therapy helps to recognise behaviours that will contribute to anxiety and stress during the Xmas period. If you are already feeling panicky about Christmas and think that it’s going to be hard, you could get help now.

CBT can help you to think positively, recognise the triggers that can lead to stress and feelings of depression, and act before they overwhelm you.

Get in touch if you would like to discuss how I can help today.

6 Quick Tips To Reduce Depression And Stress:

  1. Evaluate what your expectations are at Christmas so you are making doable plans.
  2. Be present and available when you are around your family – put cell phones and Facebook away and focus on having fun with them.
  3. Get enough sleep and eat healthy meals so it improves your mood and you don’t get irritable at small things. Also, take the time to exercise, it will relieve stress and pent up emotion.
  4. Delegating tasks and will reduce the overwhelm, also it’s a good opportunity to connect and spend time with each other.
  5. Set aside differences with members of your family, it will make the celebrations more fun, and improve relationships long term.
  6. Stay within your budget and do not allow yourself to compete with other people over expensive Christmas presents.

If you are worried about how you will cope emotionally over Christmas, please do get in touch to explore whether CBT and hypnotherapy can help. Call 0796 715 1790 or email [email protected]

How Can I Communicate Better With My Partner?

communicate better, relationships, how to stop arguing with your partner

Relationships between two people don’t exist in isolation. Past experiences, personal history and expectations all influence a relationship, and often the way we communicate in our relationships is as a result of our past.

If you’re one of the many people who feel that you and your partner do not communicate properly, this post is for you. Here I explore how to open the lines of communication, especially if the relationship is suffering, and help build a stronger union.

Many people find that they are not confident about talking about difficult issues and emotions, even with their partner. They find themselves either getting upset or angry and struggling to really explain how they feel or what’s bothering them. This can be particularly difficult if their partner is not a great communicator either, or if they are super confident and prone to dominate a conversation.

You can get help with confidence issues and this can have a really positive impact on your relationships, helping you communicate better and build deeper relationships. Hypnotherapy for confidence can help, you can find out more about this treatment here.

The Importance Of Good Communications

Communication with your partner is not only talking about everyday topics like ‘how was your day’ or ‘did you have a good day at work?’ It’s about really making the time and effort to listen, be interested, and talk to each other in an open manner.

Couples who have good communication when things are going well will also find it much easier to communicate with each when things are not so good. This provides you with a great foundation for dealing with life’s ups and downs and making your relationship work through thick and thin.

The ways in which you communicate with your partner can make or break a relationship. Below are some tips for communicating when things are difficult. Following these can help you deal with emotions, resentments and relationship issues, and improve your relationship with your partner:

  1. Finding the right time to have a difficult conversation is one of the first things that you can do. If there is a problem or issue it is essential to make time to discuss it calmly in the right environment. Clear a few hours to have that difficult conversation so you’re not rushing. Put all of this in the diary/calendar so that there is no opting out.
  2. Make sure it’s face-to-face. These days there are so many ways to communicate like text messages, Facebook, Skype or emails. But these are not the best way to communicate with your partner about serious issues. Face-to-face, however difficult a conversation is the best way of opening lines of communication.
  3. Choose your words carefully when you are talking to your partner. Sometimes when we are angry and frustrated, the word ‘you’ sounds attacking and can result in your partner to be defensive and not receptive to your message. You can use instead ‘I feel that we had not been talking recently’ instead of the pointy finger ‘you’.
  4. Being honest is important as if you want the relationship to work even if telling the truth to your partner hurts. Every person makes mistakes and admitting and apologising for them is a natural process. This will make the relationship stronger and you will feel better.
  5. Your body language is another important factor. Sit and speak in a calm manner, give your full attention and make eye contact.
  6. There is saying that you should never go to bed angry. So if you or your partner is still hurt by an argument you had, follow the 48-hour rule and have that difficult conversation. Have the conversation about why you/they are angry or upset, and get it out in the open.

Ways To Communicate If There Is Anger

Most couples go through a period where there is anger in the relationship, it is, therefore, important to learn to resolve any conflict that arises in a healthy manner.

  • If you get angry take a deep breath, Stop, calm down and step back. Either go into another room, go for a walk or listen to your favourite music or do some activity that distracts you. Don’t vent the anger, give yourself breathing room to stop and listen to what your partner has to say in the disagreement you both are facing.
  • Think about the reason behind your anger, what was the situation that caused the upset and the words used. Be honest and open with yourself and your partner and don’t let the situation build up so the angry thoughts are swirling and you cannot think straight.
  • Talk in a calm manner to your partner and follow the stop and think first, then breath deeply and gently explains your point of view. Also important at this time is to look at the non-verbal communication signals that your partner is displaying, for example your partners’ body language (folded arms, no eye contact etc.), the tone of both your voices, eye signals and listen patiently to each other’s viewpoint. All these will give you a clue to what is occurring in the discussion and ways to resolve the issues.
  • Listen to your partners’ upset feelings, hurt and give them your full attention. Do this in a safe environment: your relationship deserves an expression of feeling from both partners in a safe environment. Don’t let the anger, hurt and pent up emotion dominate. Break the cycle of not communicating and listen to your partner point of view and say ‘I sometimes don’t hear what you are saying, but now focusing on listening to you’.

The most important part of communicating well with your partner is not letting a discussion turn into an angry argument. Treating each other with respect and keeping the discussion focused on one topic only, and making the time to have that difficult conversation. Sometimes we resort to cheap shots that can get the argument only more heated so by being respectful and stop, think, talk and listen you will then open the lines of communication with your partner in a healthy way.

If you think that hypnotherapy for confidence could help you become a better communicator, or would just like to discuss how it can help, please get in touch. Email [email protected] for a confidential chat about your feelings and the challenges you face.

What To Do If You Think Your Partner Is Suffering From Stress

What To Do If You Think Your Partner Is Suffering From Stress, anxiety hypnosisStress caused by issues at work, worries about money, concerns about family members or health problems, can have a big impact on relationships. It can create a disconnection between a couple leading to communication issues; all at a time when a partner needs more support, not less, from their other half.

All of this can be prevented if you are aware of the subtle changes when your partner is stressed. Being vigilant about each other’s mental health as well as physical health is important, but often it can be difficult to address because symptoms of stress are misdiagnosed, or hidden by the person suffering.

Being proactive about supporting your partner when they get stressed can bring you closer to each other and develop a new level of intimacy.

Stress: Supporting Your Partner

What help can you provide to support your partner if they are suffering from stress?

  • Become aware of the signs and symptoms of stress: everyday life is busy and hectic and it’s easy to get wrapped in your own world. If your partner is stressed and not communicating enough about his/her feelings you will miss the signs. So make an effort to recognise these signs early when you see your partner struggling. How are they coping, are they eating healthily, are they sleeping well, what are their mood and energy levels like?
  • Be vigilant: women tend to get more stressed than men but hide their anxiety really well and don’t talk about their feelings. By staying vigilant, talking to your partner, providing love and support so when they are struggling you are present and this will strengthen your partnership.
  • Being compassionate: when you see that your partner is stressed and they withdraw and are agitated, help by showing them kindness. Show them that you care, even if they are difficult to empathise with. Don’t get cross because they feel stressed give them some space, and show compassion for yourself and for them too. In these circumstances, self-care is an important too as you need to be strong to support your partner and anchor your relationship.
  • Get your partner to talk to you: Communicate with your partner by asking them what is wrong. Say “You seem to find things difficult, are you OK? How can I help?” Let your partner know that you are there to talk and listen. They will feel supported when they are stressed, be present without judgements or irritation. This will require you to be patient with them and listen to their worries and concerns.

Understanding Our Differences

If you’re in a heterosexual relationship it is important to understand that your partner’s response to stress will be different to yours. Women and men have distinct reactions when they are stressed.

When a person is stressed the body releases hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol, which bind together. This causes raised blood pressure and higher levels of blood sugar. Then there is a release of oxytocin from the brain opposing the release of adrenalin and cortisol by relaxing the persons’ body.

When men get stressed less oxytocin is released than in women and therefore they react to adrenaline and cortisol more strongly. This results in a ‘flight or fight response’ that may cause them to be angry, or to repress their feelings and become withdrawn. Typically men care more about competing and their performance in the tasks they are involved in. They like being appreciated, are open to new ideas, like to push themselves to the limit and will accept assistance if they need to.

Women on the other hand, because of higher oxytocin levels, handle stress by nurturing their loved ones; this creates a desire to protect their family, particularly young children. Women’s feelings of competency in relationships are closely linked to their self-esteem and individuality. They like to feel wanted, cared for and like their partner to appreciate them and voice these expressions openly so that they feel good.

Getting Help For Stress

So how do you deal with stress that your partner is experiencing?

Every day as a part of daily life we deal with stress. When you are in a relationship, even if both you and your partner are connecting effectively, there will be some situations when one or the other is continuing to work but has no energy left. The love and support are all you both need to keep going. Keep your positive frame of mind even if you find it difficult and produce resources mentally and emotionally to assist your partner.

This will generate a healthy foundation and solid base for your relationship and build on the good feeling and connection between both of you. Create stress reducing habits and set up a system that both of you have to check in if there is anything you need support with. Do an activity together like a new gym class or Pilates to renew your relationship.

As the person closest to them, you’re also the person who might suggest that they need help from an outside source. This could be something you do together, such as taking a course in meditation and deep breathing, or you might want your partner to see a therapist to get one-on-one support.

It can be difficult to broach the subject of ‘needing help’, but it’s a conversation that you must have if you feel your partner is not able to manage their stress. Research suitable options that your partner is most likely to be receptive to, like cognitive behaviour therapy, and explain why you think they should seek help. Remember to be supportive, loving and share your concerns for their health. Sometimes a ‘do it for me’ approach will allow those people who are trying to hide stress or keep a stiff upper lip, open up and accept help.

Finally, remember to get support for yourself too. It can be very hard living with someone who is suffering from stress or depression, especially when you need to be the ‘strong one’. It may help to talk to trusted friends or just to get some time to yourself by going to the gym or other activities. It may also help to talk to a therapist who can help you look after your mental health, and support your partner at the same time.


If you would like to discuss any of the above with me please get in touch. Contact me on +44 (0)796 715 1790 or email [email protected]