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How to Develop Self-Confidence

In a world, that is increasingly too fast-paced and competitive to allow genuine, deep and lasting relationships and self-care. It really should not come as a shock that low self confidence has become a pandemic. Over 80% of the world’s population is said to suffer from low self-esteem and a lack of self-confidence.

The world cannot continue to run well on individuals who have no confidence to be leaders and to stand up for what is right.

The good news is that there are not “confident people” and “un-confident people”. As though it were a genetic trait you are stuck with. If you, like the majority of people in the world, struggle with a lack of self-confidence, know that you don’t have to struggle with it forever. You can achieve healthy self-confidence.

In this post, I will explain the importance of self-confidence and provide practical tips on how to develop self-confidence. And also positive attitude so that you can begin moving forward toward a more confident and effective you.

Let’s Clarify

It is important to understand what is meant by “self-confidence” and how to develop self-confidence.

Unfortunately, many assume that self-confidence is just arrogance or narcissism. For many suffering from low self-worth and confidence, this thought pattern can actually be a part of what holds them back from trying to change their outlook on themselves. They do not want to be “arrogant” and so don’t pursue a better view of themselves.

However, there is healthy self-confidence that is neither arrogant nor narcissistic, and it is vitally important for individuals to develop.

How to Develop Self-Confidence

If you are wondering: how can I be confident in myself? You can be encouraged and know that it IS possible. It will take a little time. But be patient with yourself and after a while, you will start noticing a difference.

If you are ready for a more confident you, try following the self-confidence tips listed here:

  1. Change your thought patterns:  Your battle for building self-confidence is won or lost in the mind. Negative thoughts, such as “I can’t do this,” “I’m just going to fail again”. “I don’t have anything valuable to say” tear down your confidence and prevent you from even trying. To change your negative thoughts into positive ones, first, start identifying with them. And calling out negative thoughts as soon as they occur.                                                                                                                   Second, replace the negative thought. Change the “I’ll never be able to do this” to “If I work really hard. I think I can do this”. When you think about something you can’t do or something you don’t like about yourself, change it by thinking about something you can do or something about your personality that is positive.
  2. Create a gratitude list. One of the best ways to start changing your mindset (self confidence) is by focusing on the good things that you do have in your life, instead of all of the seemingly bad or lacking things. Each day, spend time writing down good things that happened to you, things that you have that you are thankful for, and things that you did or felt that day that you can feel good about. Big or small, write them down.
  3. Take care of yourself. How we treat our bodies translates into how we think about ourselves. Taking a shower each day, brushing your teeth, combing and fixing your hair, wearing nice clothes that fit you well. And being able to take pride in your appearance will all contribute to making you feel better and more confident about yourself. Self-care is looking after yourself, telling yourself that you are worth the time and attention. You feel confident about how you look.
  4. Give yourself permission to make mistakes. If you strive for perfection, you will easily fail. And/or keep yourself from even setting goals or trying new things. If your expectation is perfection, then you could easily think “Why even try – I won’t be able to do it right”. Or “Why do I always screw up.”No one is perfect.                                                                                                                                            The most successful individuals in our world made huge mistakes on their journey to success. Failure, when handled with the right attitude, can actually be responsible for future success. So set reasonable, small goals for yourself that you can achieve one at a time, but then be ok when you make a mistake or something doesn’t go right. Instead of beating yourself up about a mistake, focus on how you can change your approach next time.
  5. Stop comparing yourself to others. With things like social media, we often only see the best and greatest successes of our friends. And we often have a “grass is always greener” approach when looking at everyone else. This can make you feel like a failure or like you’re not doing things right. But this is not true, as every single person has ups and downs and struggles. But what other people are doing or not doing is irrelevant. Focus on YOUR goals, what matters to YOU. If you don’t know what these are, spend some time pondering it and writing your thoughts down. If you try to strive for those goals and be satisfied with what you have decided matters most.

Next Steps

If you feel like you may need help retraining your thoughts and learning how to develop self-confidence while speaking or just in general, consider seeking professional assistance.

Learn more of how to overcome stress and anxiety to build your self-esteem: https://hypnotherapyinsurrey.com/2018/05/29/help-for-low-self-esteem/

Andrea Smith is a Qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist with a Masters in Psychology. To discuss your situation and learn about her unique process, book your free consultation with her now to develop self-confidence!

Help for Low Self-Esteem

More than 80% of the world’s population wrestles with low self-esteem and self-confidence.

Perhaps it is the nature of our ever-increasing fast-paced living, increasing tech-induced disconnection from genuine, healthy relationships, highly competitive work lives, or social media convincing us that everyone’s lives are perfect except ours – whatever the reasons, low self-esteem now seems like an epidemic.

The good news is, if you are one of the majority of individuals suffering from low self-esteem, it doesn’t have to stay that way.

Identifying the Problem

First, what is low self-esteem?

Low self-esteem is having a poor opinion of yourself. People suffering from low self-esteem often experience feelings of dislike and even disgust with themselves, often struggling with habits, behaviours, and attitudes that they do not like but feel hopeless to change.

Individuals with low self-esteem feel like the world is against them, that no one likes them, and that things will always go wrong. They tend to see themselves as victims of bad luck and a hostile world and are convinced that nothing will ever change.

As a result, individuals with low self-esteem shy away from sharing their thoughts, trying new things, and joining in activities. They tend to be very needy, always seeking the approval and affirmation of those around them, yet when receiving it, are likely to scoff at it or disbelieve its sincerity.

This failure to participate and thrive in a social environment and life in general then feeds their low self-esteem and creates a vicious, downward cycle.

Clearly, this is not a healthy way to live and it hurts everyone. Low self-esteem in relationships, regardless of what type, can make the relationship feel like a burden, can lead to fights and complications over the smallest issues, and can ultimately sabotage and destroy the relationship altogether.

If any of these habits or attitudes sound familiar, you may need help with your self-esteem issues. If you suspect you do, you can take a self confidence test to help you assess where you are.

Do you do struggle with low self-esteem? there is hope! You can learn how to overcome low self-esteem!

Improving Self-Esteem

Improving self-esteem is an ongoing process and a constant check on your thoughts and attitudes. As you learn how to build self-esteem, just keep in mind that these new steps and habits need to become a way of life and are not just a quick, one-time fix. And be patient with yourself!

Now, here are a few tips on how to improve self-esteem:

  1. Say “no” to the negative voice in your head. We are our own worst critics and enemies. And the battle for self-esteem starts with our own thoughts about ourselves. Furthermore, when your inner critic begins saying destructive things like: “You’re lazy”. “You’re too ugly to be with your partner to get a partner”. “They’re going to find someone better at this job” etc. It’s time to tell it “No”. You don’t have to listen to it. Next, choose a word or phrase to say back to that voice to get it to stop. Then, replace the destructive thoughts with positive ones or helpful ones. Also, refocus your attention on something else that is good.
  2. Spend a little time affirming yourself each day. First, each day if you write down at least two or three things that you like about yourself or about what you did that day. It can be something small, like “I kept a positive attitude during a stressful moment at work today”. Or “I said something nice to my spouse”. Find something about yourself to be pleased with every day.
  3. Reject perfectionism. Equally important when you have the unrealistic expectations of perfection in tasks or relationships, you set yourself up for failure. Also, you will either be too afraid to try something new because you will tell yourself there is no way you can achieve it to your expectation. Or you will attempt it, fail to reach perfection, and then beat yourself up for it. Nothing and no one is perfect. Do not set that as your goal and don’t beat yourself up for missing it. Instead, identify what is most important to achieve in the task or relationship, set a standard for what is sufficient, and aim for that.
  4. Look at mistakes and failures as opportunities. Beating yourself up for mistakes does not prevent you from making them again. It actually increases the likelihood that you will continue to make the same mistake. Moreover like with perfectionism, realize that everyone makes mistakes and fail at times. The greatest world leaders, inventors, authors, etc. all have massive failures and mistakes in their past. The difference is, they chose to learn from them, grow, pick themselves back up and try again. Next time you make a mistake or experience failure, don’t give in to abusing yourself for it. In fact, admit it, ask yourself what you should do differently next time to avoid making the same mistake again.
  5. Take care of yourself. The way you treat your body reflects how you feel about yourself. If you neglect showering and basic hygiene if you always look sloppy and dishevelled. It gives your inner critic ammunition and you will like make yourself feel bad about it. Take those daily showers, brush your teeth, fix your hair, put on clothes that fit you and make you feel good. Taking care of yourself reminds you that you are worth the time it takes to care for your body. And tells you that you can feel better about how you look.

Next Steps

Finally, if you struggle with low self-esteem but feel like you need help. Get a start on changing your outlook, there are many methods that can help, including hypnotherapy and seeing a behaviour therapist.

Read more of how I can help in other ways: https://hypnotherapyinsurrey.com/2016/06/13/5-powerful-ways-build-self-confidence/

I am a Qualified Clinical Hypnotherapist and Cognitive Behaviour Therapist. Contact me today for a free session to learn more about my process and how we can get you onto the road to higher self-esteem.

5 Things You Can Do To Boost Your Self-Confidence

 

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don’t mind and those that mind, don’t matter.” Dr Seuss

How you think and feel about yourself? Having self-love, self-belief and self-esteem are some of the most important things you can do for yourself. They may sound selfish or narcissistic, but actually having this self-confidence will help you be a better person, help others and make the world a better place to be.

Being able to build and maintain one’s self-esteem is important:

  • Many of us feel insecure because we compare ourselves to other people. When things don’t work out for us and they do for others we feel inadequate. When we start caring and loving ourselves for who we are, we don’t get so hung up on setbacks. Or worry about meeting other people’s expectations.
  • When we have higher self-esteem and confidence we don’t need other people’s validation or attention as much. We feel more relaxed and in control of our emotions and worry less about what other people say.
  • When we love ourselves more and have better self-esteem, we’re less likely to think negatively or self-sabotage. This creates more positivity and we become more motivated to try to achieve our goals.

When you work toward building your self-confidence you will be able to stay calm and handle the difficult times better.

In their lives, many people experience issues with self-esteem and self-confidence. Sometimes this may be for a short period, for others it can be a long-term problem. Whatever your background, it is never too late to work on these issues. There has been a stage in my own life when things have been difficult, but I worked on any self-worth issues I have had from my past and keep myself calm every day. My life has now become simpler and building my self-esteem means that I am happier now.

Using my own personal experience and my years spent working as a clinical hypnotherapist cognitive behaviour therapist, I have developed a programme to help other people with self-confidence issues. Find out more about hypnotherapy for self-confidence here.

Here are 5 things you can do to boost yourself like I did:

  1. Learn how to quieten the inner critic and build your confidence. When you have the self-destructive thoughts like ‘you are not good at your job’ or ‘you are very lazy and not intelligent enough to do this’. Or ‘you are not pretty like your sister or friend’, you change how you think and work on being more positive. Stop the critical voice or inner critic voice in your head and get a STOP phrase that works for you. This will help you to find a better way to motivate yourself and move forward.
  2. Learn healthy positive and motivational habits. These will help you to improve your self-confidence and take action towards a goal that means a lot to you. A single most powerful method to inspire and motive you is to jot down in your diary things that will help you achieve that goal. For example: if you want to lose weight & get more energy to look after your family, do the things that will help you achieve that goal. Keep the dairy updated. Look at it every day to see how you can improve on the positive things and build on it. Refocus on the things you like to do. Also, push through the barriers so you put most of your efforts on important goals.
  3. Replace your perfectionist ideas. Are you afraid to take action? For example, making a call to a new business or an old colleague, if you are afraid to live up to a perfect standard you have set for yourself. If you procrastinate and let the negative thoughts take over you will let your self-esteem take a drop and have negative thoughts about your performance. Handle your failures and mistakes as they can be a learning experience in a positive manner: we truly learn through our mistakes. Don’t be too hard on yourself and have a plan ready in case you made a mistake or you might fall into a despairing mood.
  4. Try a new action so you can be challenged to try a small goal or a big goal. You will boost your self-confidence when you step outside your comfort zone. If you have a fear of failure, take small steps first. Remember not to compare yourself to other people because that can be self-destructive. Instead, focus on you and what you need to do to achieve your goal. Replace self-destructive thoughts with positive affirmations.
  5. Surround yourself with a supportive network of people. Friends and family can help, and you are keeping away from destructive or unsupportive people. Being with uplifting or positive people will feel good. And you will think and feel positive thoughts. Remember the reason why you are doing this to boost your confidence, build self-esteem. Make yourself a priority.

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending”. Maria Robinson

These 5 things that you can do to boost self-confidence have done a wonderful job on my own self-esteem. If you need any help or support contact me on [email protected] or call me on 07967151790.

More on how hypnosis can be used to help people with self-esteem and self-confidence issues can be found here.

Hypnosis For Personal Development: Is This What You Need?

Personal development is a lifelong process of working on our individual qualities, behaviours and feelings to help us achieve our goals and live the life we desire. For some of us this is an easy process but for others, it is difficult to find what is ‘missing’ in our lives. We may find it difficult to recognise the patterns of habits and behaviours that stop us from achieving our goals.

Many of us have self-destructive behaviours that undermine our ability to achieve our goals. They are learnt over time and are often associated with negative thoughts about ourselves. They may make us feel low and unmotivated, they may represent  that voice in your head saying, ‘I can’t do it.’

Personal development is important. It doesn’t have to be about progressing in your career or running a successful business; it can just as easily be about obtaining balance in your life, having healthy positive relationships, or having the strength to create a new life for yourself.

If you are struggling with personal development and want to break the cycle of negative thoughts that may be sabotaging your efforts, Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) and hypnosis is a great way to be focused and formulate your goals while changing negative thought patterns.

How Does CBT And Hypnosis Work?

Generally, we all believe that achieving success in life is difficult, and failure is easy. Our language confirms this belief – we strive for success, we climb mountains, we believe that achieving our goals is a challenge.

If we already have this belief when we embark on personal development, is it any wonder that it feels so easy to fail?

Of course, some things are difficult. Quitting smoking, losing weight, breaking habits and behaviours that have become embedded over time. Failure can also become a habit, those self-destructive thoughts that say, ‘I will never quit smoking because I’m addicted’ or ‘I will never lose weight because I comfort eat.’

Therefore before we even give ourselves a chance at success, our subconscious is already doing its best to make us fail.

So if you are serious about personal development, you need to break the habits that set you up for failure, recognise when those behaviours are sabotaging your plans, and then focus on positive and achievable goals that will help you view success as easy.

This is where CBT with hypnosis can be a powerful tool to help change the way you think, feel, and behave. It can help you understand when those past negative thoughts and patterns are affecting you NOW, and teach you how to get rid of these feelings and focus on positive thoughts instead.

CBT and clinical hypnosis are highly effective at with personal development in the following key areas:

  • Confidence building
  • Fears and phobias
  • Breaking bad habits
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Weight loss
  • Panic attacks and overcoming anxiety
  • Boosting self-confidence
  • Emotional upset
  • Relationship advice
  • Personal and career development
  • Goal setting and achievement

Clinical hypnosis programmes are tailored to suit the individual, their needs and goals, and the issues they are struggling with. It has been proven to help people remove the restraints that are holding them back and motivate them to find the success that they desire, and motivate them even further to live their life in a positive and constructive manner.

It is more than important in today’s world to learn more about yourself, know how your emotions work and manage them in everyday settings. Changeable times and rapid developing circumstances have created a cascade of emotional issues. There has been an increase in anxiety disorders, panic attacks, depression, anger issues and stress related problems. These emotional difficulties have made presenting psychological support and information the appropriate way very valuable.

Personal development is something all of us can embrace; just make sure that you provide yourself with the right conditions to make it a success.

If you would like to talk through your thoughts and feelings about personal development, book a free 30 minute consultation with me here.

How To Take Control Of Your Relationships

Having self-belief, confidence and healthy self-esteem will help you take control of your relationships. By focusing on the value you place on yourself – which is your self-belief – you will boost your self-confidence in your relationships with other people and build strong bonds with them.

The Importance Of Self-Esteem And Self-Belief

Your self-esteem is how to feel about yourself, your ‘positive regard’ and how much self-love you have. Your self-belief is influenced by how you think, feel and act. In other words, it comes from a sense of your beliefs about your identity and your stance in your world regardless of the expectations that you yourself or society puts on you.

Sometimes a woman’s self-esteem can be fragile. Women often compare themselves to other people and sometimes will change their behaviour to fit in accordingly. We live in a changeable world and many women feel they have to work really hard to fit into male-dominated environments. They feel they have to work hard to measure up.

Personal Relationships

A woman’s relationship with her partner can also be a vicious cycle, she may feel that she needs to conform her partner’s needs but this can lower her self-esteem and self-confidence. This also can weaken the bond she is trying to build with the partner. Instead of remaining true to her values and beliefs, she may focus on making her partner happy instead. And this distances her away from her own self-worth, self-belief and integrity, which lowers her self-confidence even more.

Here are a few questions you can ask yourself about your confidence in your relationship:

  1. What can I do to be my true self in my relationship without upsetting the apple cart?
  2. How can I do this without compromise and affecting my self-confidence?
  3. How does this low self-confidence and self-belief in myself affecting my relationship?

If you know that your self-belief, lack of confidence and self-esteem is damaging your relationships with other people, there is support available. Hypnosis is a powerful tool to address negative thoughts and behaviours and find the self-belief and confidence you need to take control of your relationships.

Contact me for a free consultation if you would like to discuss this in more detail.

The key to an honest and balanced relationship is for both remaining true to their own self-belief and integrity to build a strong and secure bond.

  1. Choose not to lose your self-belief and integrity. Take each day as it comes and takes baby steps to build your confidence and self-esteem.
  2. Gratitude can help build confidence. If you feel low and depressed your confidence will weaken as you don’t feel valuable to your relationship or society. Your worthiness is knowing who you are and believing it and plays an important role in our relationships. When you are grateful for what you have, your self-confidence builds as you feel your value and self-worth. In relationships, our self-worth plays a defining role and can be a key factor in the success or failure of the relationship. We feel confident and happy when we are in a balanced relationship and feel depressed or worthless when your relationship is not good.
  3. Avoid negative self-talk. Sometimes the negative voice in our heads can override the positive messages. They can come from past experiences – from being unable to meet expectations of parents, or previous relationships. Negative social pressure, illness or some trauma can also result in low self-esteem. Challenging the negative voice and listing to affirmations or messages that can influence you to believe in yourself. Your thoughts, feeling and beliefs can be replaced by positive messages.
  4. Projecting confidence even when you feel unconfident in situations. Sometimes it good to put on a brave face and face the challenges in front of you, you can then be strong for the next situation. Have the patience, face the fear and be kind to yourself, and then you can face the challenge you are scared of. By allowing yourself to be uncomfortable and not letting negative thoughts overtake you, you can boost your confidence.

Key areas you can change to boost your self-confidence:

  1. By identifying and understanding what areas of your life you are unhappy with and commit to change that.
  2. Positive thoughts and affirmations to build your feelings of self-worth.
  3. Read at least 20-30 minutes of articles or books to improve our mind. avoid the tendency to compare yourself to others as this will only develop into negative thoughts.
  4. Trust your instincts believe that you are a confident person
  5. A supportive environment with family and friends listening to issues you struggle with will keep you motivated.

Self-confidence is an amazing quality to have that this can help create and build a wonderful, passionate, equal and loving relationship.

Working with people to help them build lost self-confidence or boost their low self-esteem is a passion of mine so please contact me if you would like some help.

Never let obstacles get in the way of loving relationships and enjoying your incredible life.

How To Stick With Your New Year Resolutions In 2017

 

Did you make any New Year Resolutions this year? Lose weight, stop smoking, get a promotion or start your own business? Whatever your NY resolution is, you may now be feeling the pressure to start or stick with it…

You have tidied the house and all the Xmas decorations have been put away, but its end of January and you have not started using the gym membership or working through the things on your list. With February and March looming, you may feel like you’re struggling to keep up with the resolutions list, and it feels scary how far behind you are.

So did you make the right NY Resolution? If you made a life-changing resolution, a big plan to change direction or do something huge, it may be that the reason you’re now starting to panic is that you’ve taken too much on.

Setting small achievable goals, instead of a big goal that will overwhelm and frustrate you, can help you succeed in your personal life and business life. You also need to ensure that you have addressed those issues that could result in failure. For example, if you’ve tried to lose weight before, what went wrong and how can you improve your chances of success this time?

Often it comes down to confidence and self-belief. If these are already low it can be an uphill struggle to stick with and achieve your resolutions. Low self-confidence can sabotage your chances of success.

If this is an issue for you, consider addressing this first – hypnotherapy for confidence can help – and then with a boost to your self-belief you’ll be in much better shape to achieve those NY resolutions.

Tips For Sticking To Your New Year Resolutions

By taking small actionable steps and prioritising what is important to you, you will be more likely to stick with and succeed in your resolutions.

Here are some key points to remember to help you stick with your New Year resolutions:

  1. Setting out SMART goals Specific, Measurable Achievable Realistic and Timely goals, in the beginning, will set you up to understand what you are trying to achieve this year.
  2. If your goal is to getting on top of your finances, concentrate your motivation and energy on the most important aspect of the debt you have accumulated. In this manner, you will pay off a little of the money you owe at a time and have a strong sense of progress. This will motivate you to continue to keep playing and looking after your finances in a positive manner.
  3. Use whatever resources you have to help, for example – put your gym clothes ready when you wake up so you can immediately get some exercise before you start to make excuses about your exercise regime. Stay away from risky situations if you want to get fit and healthy don’t go to McDonald’s or go near fast foods or junk food. Put reminders in places where you are triggered to follow your healthy choices or behaviours like notes on the fridge, or on the bathroom mirror.
  4. Get organised! Don’t allow other tasks to stop you from achieving your goals – where possible automate them so they don’t distract you. Set out reminders to tasks that you have to do every few weeks time and look to see how you can prioritise some of them. Set out the actions you are going to take to achieve your next goal to keep going.
  5. Be flexible. If you have an all or nothing approach and fail at one of your steps it’s likely you will become disillusioned and not succeed in your overall goal. Instead, give yourself a break if you don’t meet every target, be flexible and realign your steps so you can move forward.
  6. Set yourself a reasonable time limit and if you are unable to keep up with it revisit your goal list and make changes so you can achieve the goals in small chunks.
  7. Don’t give up and keep trying. Create a balanced approach with baby steps that you can act on. Keep yourself motivated by being mindful of what you want and knowing the results you expect that will help you keep going.
  8. Get the support you need, having someone to talk to you will get a different point of view of how you are going to succeed with your goals. This will also help make you accountable and you might get different ideas in order to get results or solutions you desire. Asking and accepting help will strengthen your resolve and manage your anxiety and stress. Also seeking help from a coach or a mentor can help change unhealthy habits and behaviours and address issues you have suffered from in the past, procrastination or emotional issues.

Old habits and behaviours can be hard to change but they are often the key to successfully achieving your goals and resolutions. Once you understand why you respond to certain challenges or pressures in a particular way, it becomes easier to change your habits and behaviours.

Sometimes it can be as simple as changing the way you approach your resolution. Instead of saying, ‘I want to lose weight’ a resolution of ‘I’m going to eat more healthily’ can increase your chances of successfully losing the weight and keeping it off long-term.

Cognitive behaviour therapy with hypnosis is a highly effective way of identifying habits and behaviours that are sabotaging your chances of success, and then replace them with better responses that increase your motivation and drive.

If you’re struggling with your New Year Resolutions and would like to talk through ways of getting back on the programme, I offer a free 30-minute phone consultation for people in West Surrey / Hampshire. Book your appointment here.

Make Improving Your Self-Confidence Your Top New Year’s Resolution!

Every year we make New Years Resolutions and every year by the end January we fail to keep up with them. For your New Years Resolutions to work you need to develop healthy habits, positive thoughts and improve your self-confidence.

Self-confidence is the key to making other NY Resolutions stick.

With great self-confidence, we will believe that we can achieve our goals whether that’s to stop smoking, lose weight, find a new job or run a marathon. Therefore before you set yourself a challenge that could easily result in a relapse, let’s look at improving your self-confidence first.

Relapsing is when your brain defaults to what you do normally – habits and behaviours – and says “oh well, never mind”. Unfortunately, setbacks like this can result in negative feelings and depression. So instead of setting ourselves up for a fall, if we address those deep rooted behaviours and habits first we can build our self-confidence and increase our chances of success.

Self-Confidence Will Help You Achieve Your NY Resolutions

Creating new behaviours and habits to substitute the old ways of thinking will help you take control of your New Years Resolutions.


If you want to explore a therapy to help you boost your self-confidence, hypnotherapy for confidence is a highly effective way to change negative habits and behaviours and thereby increase your chances of achieving all kinds of goals and resolutions.


Here are some self-reflective tips that can give your self-confidence a boost and help you understand how you can succeed with your new year’s goals. Write down your answers on a piece of paper:

  1. What were your best achievements, personal successes or breakthroughs in the last year? Did you step up or into a new opportunity, try something you never tried before that make you fearful or uncomfortable?
  2. What were the challenges you had to overcome? How did you conquer the fear of failure, get up when you got knocked down, overcome the setbacks and find the strength to speak and fight even though you were scared?
  3. Where did you find your supportive network, people that influenced your methods, your motivation and how did you move forward? Where and who do you find your inspiration from and did you use this motivation to clear your space to focus on your goals?

Your brain has a way to re-inventing itself and those positive habits and behaviours you wrote down above can become the default response when you meet other challenges. Instead of relapsing into old habits and behaviours you can have the power and control!

Here are 7 steps for changing the way you think:

  1. Focus your thoughts on being positive – an important aspect of starting the new year with and finding success with your goals
  2. Make a plan and take small steps to work through each task or activity. If you try to tackle your goal as one big project you are more likely to feel stressed and relapse into old habits.
  3. Don’t associate yourself with negative people on social media or elsewhere. Also, list the negative beliefs you have and refute them and set some realistic beliefs about yourself. Being too judgmental about yourself will impede your progress.
  4. Set your goals in a SMART manner – Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Time-based. Break these down into small steps or you will find that you lose your motivation. The way to achieve success is to take one baby step at a time.
  5. Combine your SMART goals with STRETCH goals (a big dream goal) that mean you are dreaming big and going after your ULTIMATE goals. Both these together are called the WISE goals which are grounded in what steps you are going to take next to achieve success.
  6. Avoid thinking like a perfectionist. We can always do better but a healthier way of thinking is doing our best or ‘just good enough’. Focus on the positive. If we fall short of doing what we want and fail at our aspirations, it’s easy to fall into the negative spiral of thinking. So a healthier method would be to take baby steps and have a realistic / ‘good enough’ approach.
  7. Don’t wait for things to happen or come to you. Learn something new each day and challenge yourself.

By focusing on actionable SMART goals and measuring them with the success you have achieved you will create a positive focus and a feedback loop. This will help motivate you to take the actionable steps week by week and create habits and behaviours long-term.

You will feel motivated, positive as you complete each step, and this will boost your confidence and self-esteem.

Understanding yourself will minimise your weaknesses and strengthen your resolve to stay focused and driven to daily enjoy your accomplishments. Finding a mentor or a therapist to help you to stay motivated, goal focused and on track can also improve your confidence and wellbeing.

An important thing to remember is to be patient with yourself, self-confidence and esteem is a step by step process and practice.

To find out more about hypnotherapy for confidence visit this page.

10 Steps to Increase Your Self Esteem and Propel Your Career

How you think and feel about yourself is one of the most important factors in becoming successful in your career and social life.

‘Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending’ Maria Robinson

If you are happy with what you do and who you are then you will find success, but in today’s world love for oneself is the missing link what people miss out on.

Why is the ability to build, maintain and keep your self-esteem so important?

  • Self-sabotaging thoughts – sometimes you can be your own worst enemy. By looking after your needs and keeping the bar raised high you can be motivated enough the things you like and love. And when you achieve your goals you will not self-sabotage.
  • Developing your inner stability – By liking yourself you will not look for attention and validation from other people. Then what other people say and think does affect your stability and you don’t need the recognition to feel good. When they say something nice it’s a bonus!
  • Your relationships and friendships will be healthier – if you display ‘needy’ characteristics or lack the confidence to be yourself, your relationships will not be built on a sound footing. Therefore if you can nurture your self-esteem you will also build better relationships with the people around you.
  • You will feel happier – in my experience when I like and value myself, I am a happier person and I am able to achieve success with my goals.

Here are 10 ways you can start to build your self-esteem today:

  1. Stop being your own internal critic – learn to handle and replace that judgmental voice inside you or you will drag your self-confidence down. What does the negative chatter say – you are not good at doing things and your job or you don’t look so good? When you hear the critical voice in your head replace it by saying STOP, a positive thought, an affirmation, or my favourite saying ‘no, we are not doing that again’. Or you can use your favourite saying or a constructive thought that resonates with you. As long it motivates you to find better ways to move forward rather than listening to the inner critical voice.
  2. Choose healthier habits – motivate yourself with thoughts and actions that will build your self-esteem and you are less likely to listen to the inner critic. You can do this by reminding yourself of the positive benefits using written or recorded motivational quotes or words that you keep somewhere easily accessible for daily reading. Think about what you would really like to do and refocus your energies on your needs and what’s important to you.
  3. Take a 2-minute gratitude break – a simple habit of following is to take a break for a couple of minutes every day to appreciate what you do. Do this exercise by writing down three things you do that you feel good about and appreciate about yourself, such as “I can make people laugh when they are stressed or I can be thoughtful when someone needs my help” etc. It may be for only two minutes but it’s a powerful way to turn off your negative thoughts, boost your self-esteem and fill you with positive energy.
  4. Do the things that will raise your self-esteem – exercise and eat healthy meals will make you feel good about yourself. Keeping that focus is not easy but can make a difference how you think and feel about yourself and get the results you want.
  5. Being perfect is not important – replace the thoughts that are destructive especially about being perfect. To overcome the perfectionist habits – go for the words ‘that is good enough for me’. Buying into the perfect myth in life can hurt your motivation and harm your job, family life and ability to achieve.
  6. Be aware that people make mistakes and look at them positively – fear of failure can stop us from trying to achieve our goals resulting in never fulfilling our potential. If you do struggle – try to relax and stay calm, don’t beat yourself up, find another way to be constructive and achieve your goals.
  7. Be kind towards people – it doesn’t take a lot to be kind and you will be treated like you treat others. Listen when someone has something to say about their problems. Encourage your family or friends to try new things and motivate them. Help someone in a practical manner.
  8. Stop comparing yourself to other people – everyone is different and if you focus on comparing yourself to other people you will have this self-destructive habit that goes nowhere. There are always people who do better than you, so focus on the goals you wish to achieve, not on what other people are doing.
  9. Spend time with motivational people – find someone you admire and emulate them. Also, avoid negative people that drag you down. Being kinder to yourself and to the people that motivate you, will replace the trying to ‘be perfect’ habit, will help you move forward and will give you a fresh perception of the way you want your life to be.
  10. Remember why is it important to build your self-esteem – to keep you motivated and build unstoppable self-confidence. Remembering the reasons why you want to build your self-esteem and making it your priority, this will help you achieve your goals in life.

If lack of self-esteem is preventing you from being successful in your business or personal life, there is help available. Don’t let anxiety and low self-confidence hold you back in your social life and career anymore. Therapies such as Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) can help you tackle low self-esteem, negative thoughts and self-destructive habits. Find out more by calling me for an informal chat about your needs. 07967151790 or [email protected]

Why Are You Procrastinating? Positive Steps For Business People

Is procrastinating about things you have to do or must do, a good or a bad thing? Being negative about your delaying habits is not good for your self-esteem – you feel guilty about being lazy, feel unmotivated, and your list of to-do things gets longer and longer and you feel anxious and stressed. However sometimes procrastinators are very creative, and once they get to work on a project they can be more productive and create better results. If the consequence of this that other stuff doesn’t get done – dirty laundry and dishes, invoicing put off for another week – that can be OK.

What’s Going On When We Procrastinate?

When you delay doing a task that means your unconscious mind is working on the task and you are not ready to showcase your final project. So when finding other things to do such as cleaning the house, updating your social media profiles, or doing less important activities, you are letting your ideas percolate and giving your creativity and brain time to get a feel of the project. If you want to find a creative way to finish your project, procrastination happens when you are planning in your mind, letting the different pieces of information sink in and when you sit to start the job it synthesises it all in.

Daydreaming and procrastination also allow for your stress for the deadline to build and increases your motivation. There is an invisible relationship between your performance and the stress you feel and you can harness this together proactively. You can use this as your strategy to be more productive without allowing the feelings of overwhelming to build. Most people think that things need to be done a certain way but changing things up and letting your creativity flow is the smart thing to do. For example, if you had to start a report today, rushed to complete it but made lots of mistakes because you have not thought it through, you may find it surprising beneficial to spend some time procrastinating and then rework the project.

How To Procrastinate Proactively

Here are five steps that businesspeople can use to turn their procrastination into a positive force:

  1. Intentionally procrastinate: do this so you can percolate your ideas, giving yourself the time to be sure and think. Allow some time to procrastinate when setting yourself deadlines.
  2. Find out why you are procrastinating and what is the reason you are stalling from doing the job you need to. Maybe the reason you’re procrastinating is because you’re not actually ready to see through your ideas? Perhaps you don’t believe your plan is a good one, or that a product or service is really ready to launch. These uncertainties may be causing your subconscious to put the breaks on while you think things through. Or are you delaying because it’s against your values and principles? Do you fear failure? If you can find out the answers to all these questions then you will be able to move on.
  3. Don’t let your guilt about procrastinating stop you from moving forward with your business idea or product. If you start to have negative thoughts you will let your mind get into a negative spin of procrastination and be self-critical about your ideas. Don’t beat yourself up about procrastinating, instead see it as a positive that can actually help you long term.
  4. Solving the problem that causes you to procrastinate. If you’re putting off doing something because it’s daunting, find a way to break it down into smaller chunks. You may think you’re procrastinating because of the ‘big challenge’ but you may find it’s actually because of a single element of the overall challenge. For example, perhaps you need to have a difficult conversation to push the project through, or there’s a task involved that you don’t enjoy doing. You may find that tackling these head on will release your productivity.
  5. Make your business colleague or a friend help you be accountable – team up with this friend in order to share deadlines, achieve your goals and share ideas or suggestions that will make sure you meet your deadlines. You can both help stay accountable and on track by collaborating and talking or planning together to figure how to best achieve your goal.

If you find that your productivity and success if hampered by procrastinating and you’re struggling to turn it from a negative into a positive, cognitive behaviour therapy can help. For a free consultation or chat about the challenges you’re facing, contact me to see whether CBT could help you focus on what’s important.

Call 07967 151790 or email [email protected]

The Biggest Barrier To Success Is Self-Limiting Belief

What you believe in reflects what you experience in your life. How strong your self-belief is measured in terms of your success.

Many people do not have a clear idea about what is that they want, and what it is that they don’t want. Often we have made our goals a long time ago and never looked at them again or re-evaluated them. If you want to succeed it is time you set SMART (Simple Measurable Achievable Realistic Timely) goals and make them visible so they can be fresh and present in your mind and not hide in a drawer somewhere.

In this post, I will share some ways to overcome self-limiting beliefs that may be affecting your career or ability to make a success of your business.

How To Achieve Your Goals 

‘Building a successful business is not embracing someone else’s philosophy, but staying true to your own beliefs about the world and learning from the mistakes you make along the way.’ – Ben Parr

  • Being curious and learning as much as possible about how you can achieve your goal can be your first step in your journey. Start with researching online courses, reading books and listening to people who are successful – this will give you a benchmark about what you need to do to achieve your goals. Finding someone you respect and admire to mentor you is an excellent way to get the knowledge you desire, as well as support from someone who has ‘been there’. Don’t be afraid to approach someone about whether they would be prepared to help. Many successful business leaders want to contribute and help others succeed.

‘My beliefs will run through everything I do. My beliefs, and my values are my anchor when people try to drag me down, as I know they will, it is to that sense of right and wrong, that sense of whom I am and what I believe, to which I will always hold.’ – Ed Miliband

  • Use the different ideas you have learnt to create something unique and tailored to what you want to achieve is another step in your journey. Take risks, be brave and dare to be different. Concentrate on your end result and list all the things you need to do get the outcome you want. Try not to be distracted by what others are doing. When you try to be competitive you will focus on other people, so just try to succeed at your own pace but with determination. Believe in your mind that you can do it and you will use all your energy and commitment to achieve success.

‘People have a lot of different beliefs, and at the end of the day, we all have deeply held beliefs that probably don’t make sense to anyone.’ – Trey Parker

  • Think positively about your goals, and do not look at obstacles before you even start. Being positive and believing in your ability to achieve your goals will get you where you need to be. If you tend to be influenced by negative people then you will find it difficult to succeed. Fuel your desire for success with strong positive affirmations, don’t be afraid to fail as you will learn from your mistakes, face difficult challenges and view yourself without the self-limiting beliefs and negativity. Make a commitment to yourself to work hard and let nothing stand in your way to achieving the success you want.

Every business owner has to overcome their self-limiting beliefs before they grow and succeed in business. You might have buried these limiting beliefs or your fear of failure has stopped you from taking risks, but they will stop you from achieving your full potential.

The key to your success is growing, learning and development of a mindset that takes action and conquers doubt.

Here’s how to deal with five common self-limiting beliefs:

  1. Not feeling confident about what you say – it’s very common for business owners to question whether what they say about their business is good enough. The feedback that you receive from your prospective clients will tell if your content is good. Are emails that you have sent out being opened, have people been engaging on your social media posts, are people commenting on your blogs and visiting your website? Are you making sales? If you want to succeed don’t second-guess yourself and think that your efforts aren’t good enough. Look for evidence from other people about whether you’re getting it right. Don’t let this become a belief that is self-limiting to your success.
  2. Pricing your services correctly – people find money a difficult topic especially when you ask for payment. If you charge a fair price, your clients will value your services and you will give them your best. As you are offering to help your clients with their biggest struggles, base your charges on the value you provide.
  3. Competition – even if there are a lot of people providing the same service, you are unique and embrace that. Most people try to follow influencers in their field and mimic them, blend in and they don’t try to be different due to their self-limiting beliefs. Believe in yourself and infuse that in your business and you will be successful.
  4. Lack of confidence in your credentials – as a business entrepreneur your knowledge and confidence come from years of learning your subject and experience. While in some fields qualifications are essential, in others experience and natural ability are more important. Focus on building your credentials by delivering an excellent service to the clients you are helping.
  5. Not enough money and resources – most businesses require a financial contribution to get them off the ground, and without investment, it may hold them back. Don’t let money become a self-limiting belief that prevents you from growing your business. There are a lot of free resources out there, so learn and build your business step-by-step.

Changing your negative mindset that tells you that ‘you can’t do it’ or that you’re not good enough’ is vital if you want to succeed in business. Acknowledging that you have these thoughts is the first step; the next is to overcome them with more positive thoughts and beliefs. If you are struggling to overcome your limiting self-beliefs, you may find that cognitive behaviour therapy can help, providing you with the opportunity, to be frank with yourself, rationalise these thoughts, and change your attitudes and entrenched views.

From a business perspective getting help with this early could enable you to fast track your business success and achieve your goals sooner.

If you would like to chat about any of the issues explored in this post and find out more about my services and how I’ve to help business owners overcome their self-limiting beliefs, please get in touch. Call 0796 715 1790 or email [email protected]